


Into The Sunset

by Reirachan



Category: Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Genre: Humor, M/M, i guess this classifies as humor, im sorry this is so dumb, lots of references to all of their sexualities, lots of references to basically anything, this fandom needs more happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 09:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4386617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reirachan/pseuds/Reirachan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And so Freddy told him. Everything."</p><p>AU in which Freddy confesses and the heist is a success. Happiness ensues. Sorta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into The Sunset

Larry and Freddy looked at the kid.

Despite their previous idea of adopting a child that looked like them, so it would feel like their love really managed to bring into life a baby, to prove that the miracle of love was universal, when they looked at this kid, they had other ideas. He positively didn't look anything like either of them. For one, the baby's eyes were a deep blue, while both of theirs were brown. However, they were somehow piercing, and warm, like ice, jumping out of his sockets like a meme frog. His brown hair matched perfectly his goatee, and as the kid stared at them, unimpressed, they both let out a collective sigh, Larry's hands on Freddy's waist. They looked at each other, smiling.

"We're gonna name him [LARGE TRUCK HONKING NOISE]," Freddy said.

"It really does match him," Larry agreed. They let the moment hang as they looked at each other, for one idilic moment, looking at the baby and imagining what their future with him might be like. They could practically feel it in the atmosphere, the bright future as dads, taking good care of a new life that was brought with happiness into this world.

As he drawed out his gun, Freddy sighed dreamily.

"EVERYBODY FREEZE," Larry warned as he, too, drew out his gun. Everyone freezed, as expected, because that's what you do when someone points a gun at you and tell you what to do: you do as they say, because doing anything else would be stupid, since they could fucking kill you.

"We're taking this child with us," Larry said as he tried to take [LARGE TRUCK HONKING NOISE] into his hands. When he did touch the kid, however, he felt like the whole atmosphere changed. It was a magic moment, one of pure camaraderie and bond forming between family members, and he realised he was more than ready to be a parent, just like he was absolutely ready to fall in love when he and Freddy first met. He was so distracted by that pure sparkling moment that one of the employees chose that exact moment to try and jump to ring the alarm, but he miscalculated and just fell on his sides instead, banging his head loudly against the floor about halfway where he was supposed to be. That was because after he and the kid touched, suddenly the gravity in the place increased. Everyone but he and [LARGE TRUCK HONKING NOISE] felt that, too, except for Freddy, because he was so light he barely weighted anything, so it didn't make a difference.

"Come on, baby, it's time to go," Freddy said, pressing a light kiss on Larry's lips and taking the kid, since Larry had been staring stupidly at him with his hand touching the kid's side for quite some time now. They both jumped out of the window and left, running back to their homes with [LARGE TRUCK HONKING NOISE] with them.

~~~~~~

The kid - and, alright, the whole [LARGE TRUCK HONKING NOISE] thing is getting ridiculous, so we're gonna start calling him Stemi Busceve instead - was largely unimpressed by everything that had just went down. Mostly, he didn't give a fuck whether or not he was adopted, and if his new family weren't so weird, he wouldn't have given a fuck about staying with them, too. They were a little weird, though, so there was that, but he was still weighing his options because he was a chill kind of guy and didn't want to take any kind of harsh decisions and fuck it up in the span of one minute, because he knew that's not what people were supposed to do.

Anyway, Sceve Bustemi was doing just that - having rational thoughts and all - when suddenly the bell rang. The recently married duo opened the door to reveal their long-time friend, Nice Guy Eddie. He had barely changed anything: like he always did, Nice Guy Eddie was wearing his trademark purple fedora with the word "SWAG" written in golden ink in the back, a matching purple jacket (that he borrowed from Larry once and never returned) and his favorite baggy pants, with the word "YOLO" written on his crotch. Unlike the other times, however, he wasn't complaining that some girl had gotten him into the friendzone, because he had finally come to terms with the fact that he had, in fact, been dating his best bro Vic for over six years now. That's even longer than Larry and Freddy, who had known each other for about half a week when they decided to adopt.

The reason Nice Guy Eddie - and his best bro Vic - were there was because the four of them were going to go to the diner that day, to eat some burgers, chat about Madonna and do disgusting couple-y things, like share french fries. You see, this was not a double date, because double dates are for sissies and all of them were real manly, manly men. To prove that, they all started screaming "TESTOSTERONE" as they hit their own chests with their fists like gorillas, except for Vic, because Vic didn't really care about that. He just stared at his own shirt to make sure there weren't any ketchup stains on it, since he had gotten dressed without Eddie's help that day and didn't remember to look for them. There weren't, so he was chill.

Anyway, the point is, this wasn't a double date, particularly not so because Scemi Busteve was too young and too ace to have a date. And even if he did, then it would be a triple date, so you see why this would have been impossible.

~~~~~~

Cemis Tevebus had to wait for about half an hour before Nice Guy Eddie and Vic decided which order would be best for them to instagram. In the end, Vic chose the one with the coolest sounding name - Big Truck Extravaganza - and Eddie chose the one that had most bacon in it. However, they didn't stop to think that both of them were hamburgers, and all hamburgers looked the same, so when the food arrived, they were disappointed to see they were basically going to instagram the same thing. Vic thought he could solve that problem if he tried to make his hamburger look more artistic, so he tried to do that by sticking a french fry on top of it. However, it fell, and it made Freddy snort, so he gave up on that. Instead, they just established beforehand which filter each one of them was going to use, and afterwards took a selfie together to show everyone that they were together in the diner.

After this problem was solved, Eddie stared for a while, noticing something. You see, Freddy didn't see it as well because he was so worried eating his juicy meaty meat, which was an important ritual that he fully devoted himself to. As he felt his teeth sink into the cooked flesh, he thought of his ancestors, who just like him had gone through all sorts of hardships in order to earn their meal, wandering through the forest as they hunted the perfect prey to kill, and wondered if he would get salmonella. This seemed like an okay enough diner, though, so he didn't think so. After a while, Eddie realised that Freddy hadn't noticed, so he asked.

"Hey, don't you have some kind of baby food to give to the kid?" he said, trying to guess how old Cetemis Vebus was, "or, like, milk or some shit. Why don't you buy a cow or something and try to breast feed him with it? This way his organism would feel like it's real baby milk, you know," Eddie said, very helpfully.

"That won't be necessary," Larry said, casually, "he basically needs protein and something liquid since he has no teeth, right? So we'll just give him the meat's blood. This way we won't have to spend all that money in milk"

Vueves Biscemt would have looked at his new dad in horror, but he wasn't even surprised. In the span of maybe half an hour they'd spent together, he had already learnt that things weren't going to get much better than this. That's what happens when your parents are so unprofessional.

Due to that, he was already beginning to form some kind of prejudice. "Fucking fags," he thought to himself, even though they weren't all fags. Larry was bisexual. Eddie was pan, and Vic was demisexual. That means the only Real Fag (with his official real fag certificate and all) in the table was Freddy, and that only made up for 25% of them. But prejudice doesn't always make sense, so I bet Bisvuee Scemt wouldn't have given a good fuck.

Anyways, after he was already fed, he felt some kind of stomachache and his head was kind of light. Which was a relief, because it proved he didn't have any kind of vampiric tendencies. That would have been weird.

If he did, that is. Because then his stomach wouldn't hurt. And he'd have to go around looking for a place to hide for all eternity, or worse, fall in love with a human. And he didn't want any of this shit. He was aro ace, anyway.

But after all, once he was done drinking the blood, they decided it was time to go, so everyone cocked their guns and started screaming for everybody to freeze. The cashier, horrified, started to pull out all their money, until Vic told her that was okay, they were just robbing the food they just ate. Eddie kept an eye on him the whole time, though, because that's what you do when you know your boyfriend isn't good at taking quick decisions and can get nervous; you stay with them to make sure everything turns out okay. Everybody knows that, so of course Eddie was no exception.

Not that Vic didn't keep an eye on him, too, since when Eddie gets angry it's pretty hard to make him snap back to reality. They worked well as a team, though. Which is why they did things together, instead of going around and making bullshit decisions, like putting either of them to deal with people or giving them guns when no one was there to keep an eye on them. It was just common sense.

They did, however, have common sense, which is why the robbery was a success and they left the diner without any kind of problem. As they started walking, though, they were immediately met with a LAPD car, out of which came four cops. They would have started running, but they didn't have any time to react. Soon, all four of them were around Freddy, pointing their guns at his head, and taking him in the car, not even minding to look at the others. Larry tried to scream and get him back, but Eddie held him, telling him that running after him with all these cops was insane, and it would serve no purpose but to get him killed.

"And getting yourself killed isn't gonna save him," Vic said, very helpfully. Then he added, "And if there's no saving him, there's no saving him and he's gone, there's nothing we can do," not as helpfully.

With that, Larry starting trying to struggle to follow to car - that was already gone - again, but Eddie again held him back. "Hey, listen, dying right now is not a good idea. It isn't gonna help. Come on, man, think! Dying for the sake of your lover is stupid!"

Slowly, Larry started nodding his head, as did Eddie and Vic, to reassure him. Finally, something they could all agree upon.

He watched the horizon, with eyes full of sadness. He would have watched the car, which would have been way more dramatic, but unfortunately it took a while for Eddie and Vic to convince him, so the car of course was already gone to god knows where. Ashamed, he stared at his feet, as Eddie tried to pull him somewhere, saying "come on, we'll get him outta there." He should have known something like this was going to happen.

_They were both lying in the hotel bed, sheets over them as Freddy stared at the ceiling. He was very comfortable. Well, the place kind of stinked a bit of piss and sex, and the sheet was too small and Larry was using most of it. Also, they had slept without cleaning up, so his stomach was kind of crusty. And his ass hurt a little. And guilt was eating him alive, like a snake nest inside his stomach, slowly poisoning him all over, no numbness to relieve him of his pain, as he thought that in the span of 24 hours everything he was happy about now would be gone, and he would have been the second traitor in Larry's - and everyone's - life. But other than that, yeah, he was very comfortable._

_He had his back turned to Larry, as he was immersed in his thoughts, making small circles on the mattress with his finger. He didn't hear it when Larry woke up, but when Larry did, of course his first reaction was to turn and snuggle him from behind. Which normally wouldn't have startled Freddy in the slightest, as he would just lie back. This time, however, he was too worried about his future, so he immediately took his gun out of the nightstand and pointed it at Larry, on reflex. He had pretty good reflexes._

_"'Sup, baby... Hey, what is that?" Larry gasped, fully awake now, raising his hands. Freddy took a few sharp breaths, and then realised where they were. He didn't, however, relax, as Larry kept looking at him wide-eyed. "Hey, what is happening? Did you have a nightmare?"_

_And so Freddy told him everything._

Looking back, it was a pretty good twist of fate that he still had his gun pointed at Larry, because otherwise he thinks Larry would have probably killed him without even listening to the words that followed "Larry, I'm a cop." Although probably he would have cried first. Or during. Or both. When he had his gun pointed, though, Larry managed to pay attention, and by the time he finished Larry was calm enough to understand that Freddy had turned his back to the LAPD and fully intended on helping all of them escape now. It's funny how destiny can work in your favor sometimes.

And so they had warned everyone, set up another rendezvous and everything had turned out wonderfully. Freddy was kind of half-expecting that they would kill him anyway, but they seemed happy enough that nothing had happened and that Freddy was one of them now, even going as far as to risk his safety and job for them. So everything turned out beautiful. The next day, Larry moved in to LA after putting everything he owned for sale on E-Bay, since it didn't matter anymore because he was rich as shit now. But then they had taken Freddy again, and were certainly gonna ruin him for betraying them. He could barely bear to have this thought. "What about little Stee Bc Vuemvis?" he said to himself, eyes watering, "is he gonna grow up without a dad?"

"You are his dad, though," Vic added, very helpfully.

~~~~~~

In the end, he was so immersed in his depressing thoughts he didn't realise that Eddie was taking him to the Cabot's mansion, to which they had moved after Joe changed his name to Jabot Coe, so no one would find him again, and from where he kept running his business. If you think about it, then this means that was really the Coe's mansion, but old habits die hard. It's not like anyone knew how he looked anyway, besides that he looked like one of the Fantastic Four guys, so it's okay. Anyway, Eddie took him there so he could ask Joe for help. When Larry finally saw the mansion, glowing at him with all the colors of the LGBT pride flag, he found the last bit of hope he had inside him.

When they came inside, the mansion was a mess. All employees were running around, carrying various flags of all sexualities while trying not to step on the banners, which were still drying after just being painted. Jabot Coe was still looking at various colorful costumes, including a sexy policeman one. He seemed very worried about whatever he was doing, as he weighed all the costumes and stared at them pensatively for quite some time.

"Dad," Eddie said, "we need your help."

"Not now, Eddie," Joe answered, "I still have got to decide which costume I'll be using this year. This entire house is a mess! Why did I ever decide to help organising Pride, again? I mean, no one else is collaborating - Jesus, Sebastian, be careful, you almost stepped on the banner! - and there's only 75 days left. Not that I'm counting or anything, but really. Oh, Jesus," he said, looking at his watch, "I was supposed to be the one taking the cookies to the LGBT parents meeting, wasn't I? Fuck, I'm gonna need to buy them now, Amanda is gonna kill me..."

"Dad, this is important," Eddie cut him off, "we'll need your help. Freddy has been taken by the cops, and we don't know where he is, and we don't know what they might be doing to him. Larry won't shut up about it," he said, pointing at him, "and I mean, I don't like to owe people stuff, but he did give everything up for us some time ago, so I guess it's only fair we try to help, all right?" He didn't bother answering him why he had decided to help organising Pride, because everybody knew.

_"Dad," Eddie said, coming into Joe's office like a kicked puppy. He was looking at the ground, holding his hands together, fidgeting. Joe raised his eyes at him. "I have to tell you something."_

_"Yeah, kid, all right," he said, gesturing at the chair, "come on, sit. What are you looking all nervous about?" He hated it when people seemed nervous around him. He had always looked out for everyone, hadn't he? Sure they could always come for him when they needed it. Eddie sat, gulping. He looked at him expectantly. "Well? What is it you want me to know?"_

_"Daddy, look..." he stared at the wall, "I've been dating Vic... For quite some time now," he said, trying not to hold in his breath, "I'm pan."_

_"Oh, really?" Joe answered, casually, "I thought you were gay."_

_Eddie stared back at him like he had never expected him to react like that. "Wait, you knew?" Eddie said, genuinely surprised, because of course no one would have expected Joe to have noticed they were together, after all the rolling around in his office and the times they showed up for breakfast with each other's outfits. Like, sure, Eddie had enough patience to deal with Vic, which he didn't with anybody else, and he liked to be with him in every job... And he had waited for Vic to come back for four years and talked about him every single day. And all right, maybe he had dropped a hint or two that he wanted to live with Vic accidentally, but to think that Joe knew?? Eddie was in shock!_

_"Well, I've seen a few of your shirtless selfies together on instagram, so yeah," Joe answered, before he realised. "Wait, is that what you were all nervous about?"_

_Now Eddie was getting defensive, "well, I mean, I didn't know how you were gonna react, and I didn't know if you were gonna like, hate me for it, so..."_

_"Hate you for it???" Joe said, "hate you for it? God, son, no. Please call Sebastian here. Sebastian, please, I want you to find one of these LGBT pride flags to put in my car. Since you're at it, find a pansexual one, too. And the bi, for Larry, because he's a good friend. You know what, I think we could just paint this entire house with the pride flag. We could find some speakers to play a playlist of Village People every day. Thinking about it, we should better start attending the LGBT parents meetings, too..."_

_"Dad, that won't be necessary-"_

_"HANG A GAY ICON ON MY FUCKING WALL," He heard Joe scream as he left the room._

Now, sitting in his office again, with the gigantic icon looking at him, Eddie felt kinda nervous, even though Joe seemed to have absolute control of the situation, "now, tell me, what exactly happened?"

"We were robbing a diner," Larry started, on the verge of crying, "we were celebrating after we had successfully adopted our kid, Scime Busvete," he continued, "and then all of a sudden those cops showed up, and they didn't even spare us a second glance, they just took him, and I don't know where he is now..."

"Hold on," Joe said, promptly making Larry stop talking, "let me see this kid."

Speechless, Larry handed him the baby. As Joe held him in his arms, a strange transformation occurred. Suddenly, he started growing a beard. A gigantic, all white beard. His clothes had changed to those of a Tibetan monk, with cherry blossom patterns. He touched his previously bald hair. It was still bald. What a load of bullshit, he thought. When he tried to speak, his voice was weak as paper, but thankfully everyone got a different, stronger voice echoing everything he said in their heads, so it wasn't a problem.

"This child..." he begun, "with this child, your hope lays. You must go- but remember, you should keep this boy with you at all times." Stuem ve Bscei groaned internally. "Larry, over the past few days, I've learnt a lot. And I don't even mean that in the dramatic metaphorical way," he added, "I've literally just earned my degree on sexuality. I am writing a book now," he added, as the butler, Sebastian, promptly started handing all of them advertising pamphlets, "this child is an asexual."

Everyone looked at Biscem Stu Eve, as if waiting for a sign. He gave them a thumbs up. Everyone nodded and went back to paying attention to Joe, "And as such, he and you have a deep connection - because you're bisexual. And his father." Bistu Cemeve frowned at that, "but especially because you're bisexual. Together, you make... The perfect crime fighting team," he said dramatically, "well, I mean, you are criminals, but you get my meaning. These guys are kidnappers, technically, so that makes them criminals. That should do. Anyway, when you are together, gravity increases."

Larry gasped in shock. The cashier who fell on the floor! That's what happened! "I can see in your face that this has happened before. However, this is just the beginning. What could happen if you two fought together in unpredictable - many outcomes are possible, it depends on you. What we do know, though, is that you will develop amazing powers, and no criminal will be able to stop you," Larry listened carefully, nodding, "And with the help of my son and his bae," he said, "who are a pan-ace combo, sorta," he started caressing his beard, "well, actually Vic is panromantic too, and demi, so it doesn't work as well as it could, but," he made a sign with his hand dismissively, "still, they have a very deep partners-in-crime connection as well, so with the four of you working together with your powers, I'm pretty sure you'll be able to get Freddy back." He got up, "now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to make these cookies," he said, looking at his feet, "and quite possibly shave that beard."

"It's not no shaving november yet, so you probably should," Vic added, very helpfully.

And so they left.

~~~~~~

"Have you ever really heard of this... This connection, before?" Larry asked, looking at his friends.

"Oh, yeah," Eddie said, casually, "we do that all the time when we're working. Daddy is right, it really helps. You'll get the hang of it pretty quickly. Like this," he said, gesturing for Vic to come closer. "Best bros!" They said, and then chestbumped.

Immediately, a strong yellow light involved them, and their appearance began to change. The fedora Eddie used evolved into a top hat, and the words "YOLO" now were written not only on his crotch, but on his butt as well. His jacket didn't change, because after all it was Larry's, but he still wasn't returning it anyway. Vic started growing a gigantic forelock, too, which kind of made him look like Elvis Presley. It was really cool. Larry could even faintly hear an heroic song playing in the background - maybe it was Macho Man, but he wasn't quite sure - but when he tried to listen, the light faded, taking the music with it. Eddie and Vic took a selfie.

"Do I need to chest bump the kid, then?" Larry said, looking skeptical.

"Oh, no, no," Eddie said, waving his hand, "you need to figure out what works between the two of you. It's different for everyone."

Larry looked at Svemte Bucsei quizzically. Then, he flicked his forehead. He didn't see anything like the dramatic yellow light, but by the looks on Eddie's and Vic's faces - well, Vic looked unimpressed, really; but still, the look on Eddie's face was quite revealing - he knew it was happening. Also, he felt different; like he had been energized, somewhat.

"Uh," said Eddie, sounding a little confused, "you haven't changed much."

He looked like Barretta.

~~~~~~

And so they left, again, after Larry stopped by to buy one of these baby bags you attach to your stomach, because carrying the kid was getting kind of tiring, and he figured he would need to use his hands quite soon.

He was ready to fight.

~~~~~~

Freddy was going to die. He absolutely knew it, he could see death coming to him like the light at the end of the tunnel. Quite literally. There was a tunnel. He was in a car.

Well, more specifically, his car. Or at least, the car he used to drive, when he was a cop. Now it smelled of McDonalds, which was outrageous, because everyone knew he liked Taco Bell way better. That, he decided bitterly, was definitely not his car anymore.

I mean, surely he had a lot of help establishing that. Since the cops wouldn't shut up about how he had left them, was a desertor and everything. But really, it wasn't his fault he had found something more thrilling and great to live for. Having Larry was great, and being happy was great, and all of his criminal friends were way cooler than his other friends, but really, he liked that life. He really liked stealing, depending only in himself, the rush of adrenaline and bravery as he just took what he wanted. Which is why he started stealing everything, even the fashion magazines he could buy for $2 in the local store. He had been doing that for quite some time now, which meant that the owner didn't like him very much. He should probably find a new magazine store to steal.

That is, if he survived that. Which he probably wasn't going to, because like it's already been established, he sure as hell was going to die. Or maybe go to jail, god, that would suck. Worse, maybe they wanted to go back to being a double agent and be a boring cop. He wished to God that some unspoken force would help him. Unfortunately, however, he didn't have any powers to help him, because he was a gay, and the gays don't get any special powers. As you can see, monosexuality is kind of lame.

When they arrived at the station, he was kind of expecting that they would put a bag over his head or something, so it was pretty disappointing when he realised he was just going to the standard interrogation room. Really, being a cop was boring as hell.

~~~~~~

"We need to go to the police station," Eddie said, "they probably have Freddy there."

Larry didn't question which, because Eddie was already guiding them to the station he wanted. He had already learnt that a part of Eddie and Vic's superpowers combo was the ability to find a way where they needed, much like they found a way to each other's hearts.

I mean, that wasn't really a scientific explanation, but Larry was pretty sure that was the reason. Because he knew that stuff. He was old and had lived enough to know that stuff. Yeah.

~~~~~~

Freddy had no idea for just how long he had been laying dramatically on the floor of that dark room. Maybe fifteen minutes. He was starting to think that his idea of asking the cops to turn out the lights hadn't been so bright (ha) after all, because he was really feeling the darkness taking him over as hope left his body. The whole thing was so dramatic he was even kind of hallucinating. Maybe there really was salmonella on that meat. Great.

"I am not an hallucination, little gay child," the figure he was seeing, evolved in yellow light, told him. Right. "I am here to protect you and provide you hope at these dark, dark times." Freddy started to inspect the figure a little closer. It was a man, definitely. He had dark, long and curly hair falling on his shoulders, and a little bit covering his left eye. But Freddy wisely did not comment on that, "so fear not, for I too have gone through all sorts of torture for betrayal, and I am will help you get out of here intact." That would be a tremendous help, Freddy thought, as he absent-mindedly stared at the numerous arrows in his naked torso. Certainly this man knew what he was doing.

"What is your name?" Freddy thought, thinking he should have recognised his face right away, like they were somehow connected by tragic gay stories that went right in the end, or something. The man only blew his bangs out of his eye, however, and smiled quizzically at him.

"You can call me Sebs," the man answered. "Aw, damn, there's a Stan in my toga," he added, because the blood from his arrow wounds was dripping. "Anyway, child, I will give you strength, because I am here to protect all righteous traitors." Since the bangs wouldn't come out of his eyes, he moved them with his hands; Freddy didn't manage to see them, however, because he was suddenly blinded by a light that came from inside him, a white light made of all other colours that made him feel hope, "this is your true strength from within," he could still hear Sebs say, "this will help you get to your feet, and fight." And then he disappeared, along with the light and heroic background music that Freddy was pretty sure was borrowed from The Incredible Hulk. Boy, he loved that movie. Particularly the villain that turned into a giant lizard. His favorite guy.

But the most important thing going on at that moment was that Sebs was right. He indeed was managing to get to his feet. He could feel his strength as he lifted himself off the ground, ready to fight. In fact, even his feet were getting out of the ground. He was floating. Like a fucking superhero. Fucking supercool.

Actually, it was just that Larry had finally gotten into the room and picked him up, but Freddy was still a little shaken by the whole hallucination thing and also he really liked the incredible hulk song, so it was still playing in his head. He, in fact, did not look super cool at all, particularly not so because Busmeve Ciste was still attached to Larry's belly. Being a dad, Larry mused, did not match the criminal career very well. Maybe he should consider retiring and dedicating himself to make dad jokes full time. Maybe he and Freddy could run over to the Bahamas or somewhere and build a giant house like the one in the iron dude's comics, and then he could stash it with encyclopedias so he could learn more useless facts (did you know that pandas are not actual bears?) in case they were needed to comfort people in situations of extreme distress.

Speaking of distress, Larry was carrying him bridal style, which was kinda funny because you see, it made Bevuemtes Sci think of the pietá imagery and some other things like that. Also, it was kind of feminine, so certainly someone somewhere would have liked to make a faggot joke about it.

However, he didn't have the chance to make that joke (he would have had to wait for a few years before he learnt to talk, anyway) because right that moment Freddy looked up to see Larry's face, and then nearly fainted, because standing right in front of him was his high school celebrity crush, Barretta. He died a little on the inside for a second, but soon he recognised Larry under the improved crime fighting looks, because he would recognise him anywhere due to the power of true love. He smiled sweetly at his lover, and then started going ape shit because what the fuck, Svus Tescimbs now had a pink mohawk.

"It's alright!" Larry tried to explain, "we have combined and have superpowers now, so we went through a magical girl transformation and got these looks! I had to run all the way here with Vices Stebuem, and all of a sudden the station turned into this giant labyrinth. The walls were even moving and everything, and all the cops simultaneously got this bloodthurst look in their eyes and said in this deep voice, 'I will never let you leave' and then a horde of vikings jumped from the ceiling and started attacking us. Thankfully, vikings are criminals, so we just had to find our true self from within and easily defeated them with our crime-fighting powers. Although that is leaving a continuous burning mark in my back, because I am a criminal too and all, so the powers are making me disintegrate. I'm pretty sure it's gonna be fine, though." He said. It was all true, but we didn't tell that before because none of this was a major plot point, so we thought it would be better to just keep on with it and let him tell the story to keep it short.

Freddy stared at him with envy. "Damn," he said, "I don't come to work just one fucking day, and all of this happens." It may happen that your life is just bound to be boring for the rest of your days, but Freddy had some trouble accepting that, which made him very sad sometimes.

"Where are Eddie and Vic?" He remembered, because he didn't know what happened to them after he was taken. Maybe they had just shrugged and gone their way, but Freddy doubted that. They were nakama. They were true friends and would never leave each other.

"Oh, just exploding some stuff," Larry answered, shrugging. "That was kind of the plan. But that doesn't matter. We need to leave now."

"We're just gonna leave them there?" Freddy asked, in shock.

"Uh, yeah." Larry said. And then Freddy nodded, because it made sense.

So they ran to the exit door, which was easy to find now that the vikings were defeated and the labyrinth was gone, but right when they were about to walk past it and go for their freedom, a giant ball of yellow light collided with the door and it exploded, and the walls and ceiling all came down, so they were trapped. Apparently, Eddie and Vic had exploded it, even though there were no enemies to be exploded anymore. Classic Eddie and Vic.

"Oh, shut up, man, it's a football thing, it happens all the time," they heard Nice Guy say faintly, as he and Vic came into view. Vic had his hands in his pockets, staring at Eddie like he didn't quite know what to say.

"What the fuck happened?" Larry asked, raising his arms in the universal "disappointed on all of you" gesture. But Freddy was still in his arms when he did that, so Freddy fell on the ground. Classic Larry and Freddy. Vebusce Stemi snorted.

"He just started shooting everything," Vic said, throwing his cigarette dramatically on the ground, as Larry started to fuss all over Freddy to make sure he was okay. He had asked a question, though, so Vic didn't stop talking, "and his shoots make things explode. Really, Eddie, you should know you can't just throw a tantrum and shoot everything that comes into view. That's just common sense."

Eddie stared at him for some time, but Vic just remained unimpressed and threw his coat on the ground. Finally, Eddie mumbled, "All right." Vic smiled at him, took his brush out of his pocket and started brushing his hair, then threw it on the ground too. Sbusceim Teve kind of had the urge to start picking up everything he was throwing on the ground, but he couldn't because he was still attached to Larry, who was still making sure Freddy was okay. He could stand and everything, though, so he probably was alright.

And that gave Larry time to be mad again, "all right, geniuses, so what the fuck are we gonna do now? We're trapped beneath these fucking rocks, and apparently can't leave. If the cops get here or someone notices, we are all going to be arrested. Do you want to go to jail? Because I don't, so we all better start thinking quickly."

"We're all thinking all the time, though," Vic added, very helpfully, as he started lightning another cigarette, "if we ever stop thinking, it's because our brains are dead." and once the cigarette was lit, he just threw his lighter on the ground, too. That made all the rocks that were blocking their way catch on fire, right when Larry was starting to store that information for a later time. All four of them stared for a while as the rocks burned until they were reduced to ashes, and then the fire magically stopped, leaving them a lot of room to leave, easily.

Larry and Freddy started cheering, then hugged each other in relief because they would finally be able to leave.

And then Vic and Eddie did an incredible thing.

They snuggled. Right then and there. Just laid on the ground, both of them, and sighed contently as they honest-to-god snuggled. With that, their outfits and hair slowly started coming back to normal. Larry thought that maybe that was the purpose, but they just kept there, on the ground. He and Freddy just kind of stared for a while until they decided they needed to get into the next plane to the bahamas, especially now that Larry and Svetemice Bus were disguised as an actor and a punk child. It would still take them a while to figure out that Stevebus Cemi had to spit on Larry's face in order for them to go back to normal. And Larry was true to his word to become a full-time dad joker, so the burnings he had gotten for his conflicting selves soon died away and everything was okay.

And so they went back to living boring lives, except now they were together and had a baby to take care of. Also, Freddy now had someone to fangirl over Captain America for, so that had to count for something.


End file.
